I'm Tryin' ta Defend the Country Here

Here I am, tryin' to do my job as Presidint an' keep the people safe, an' what does the Senate do but hamstrung me and block renewal of the Patriot Act. An' if they don't renew the Patriot Act, how will I be able to authorize wire taps on Americans an' stuff--not that I'm doin' anythin' like that anyhow.

The way I sees it, civil liberties jus' get in the way of stoppin' all those terrorists. In fact, if civil liberties gets in the way of stoppin' terrorists, jus' think 'bout it now, then that means that civil liberties are helpin' the terrorists. An' if civil liberties are helpin' the terrorists, then that means that civil liberties is jus' another terrorist threat an' weapon. An' anyone who stands up fer civil liberties is a de factoid terrorist.

So help me to help stop terrorism by cuttin' off some o' them unhelpful civil liberties. Help me ta help you not help the terrorists who is helped by the civil liberties that don't really help us 'cause Americans don't need help to be free. 'Cause freedom. It's all 'bout the freedom, an' not some intellectual elitist idea 'bout civil liberties.