Let's Talk Turkey 'bout Torture

Here I am tryin' to talk with the Chinese 'bout human rights, and the U.S. Senate back home is passin' laws against the use of torture.

Don't nobody see the contradiction here? This is why the discovery of a secret torture center in Baghdad is really no mystery. If we make torture illegal, then only criminals will engage in torture.

Instead, we need to keep torture legal so that my Administration can lead the way in showin' the world the ethical and responsible uses of torture. That way we can reduce the unneeded suffering borne by people who are tortured, like those recently tortured in Baghdad, without American interests being directly involved.

So give me the authority to torture, and I will make the world a more humane place by setting higher standards for conducting torture. Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses, and I will abuse far fewer than would have been abused wherever they's runnin' from.