Hey, I'm Tryin' to Promote Democracy Here!!!

Here I am, tryin' to promote democracy an' freedom in Latin America, an' meanwhile back home people are being jus' 'bout traitorous an' downright un-American.

First of all, Republican Senator Chuck "The Hammer" Hagel comes out against my position that the CIA should be allowed to torture people to get information. What is up with that? All Republicans should jus' get in line an' back my play, and if Dick or I say anybody needs some torturin', well, then we should know--afterall, we're in charge, aren't we?.

Then, Democrats like Senator Joseph "Bidin' His Time" Biden criticize an FBI plan under the Patirot Act to access ordinary citizens' private phone and financial information. Man, I wish those Dems would jus' go away. Why do we need another party anyway?

Finally, according to an AP/Ipsos poll, public support for Alito's nomination to the Supreme Court is weak. Only 38% back him as a nominee. Who does the American public think they are? Americans should jus' get wi' the program already. An' if they' don't get wi' the program, they shouldn't be surprised if the FBI wants to access personal phone and financial data. An' what the heck does "Ipsos" stand for anyway?!?

Anyway, how can I be expected to promote democracy an' representative govermint if people keep havin' their own ideas an' disagreein' with me? Now think 'bout it.