Gosh Darn Negative Media

Now here's what I'm talkin' 'bout, negative media. Some dang story 'bout how we're gonna lose 25% of all animal and plant species by the year 2050. Why can't the media focus on the positive things? For instance, why can't they report that fifty years from now we're gonna maintain an' keep 75% of all species we have today. That's a big number. 75%. Huge. And we're still gonna have all 75% fifty years from now.

Not only that, but some of those animals and plants we're gonna lose is ugly stuff anyway. Like there's a link in the article 'bout how frogs is disappearin'. Now, how many guys ever give a frog to their girlfriends or their wives? None of 'em. Heck, even in the fairy tale, the only reason ya kiss a frog is ta get a prince.

Now flowers, them is pretty, an' we're gonna try ta keep those. Roses? We'll keep 100% of those, might even breed some new ones. Tulips? We'll keep 100% of 'em, an' don't be surprised if ya see some new colors, too. Magnolias? Yup, we're keepin' all of 'em, an' probably addin' some new varieties as well. So not only is we keepin' all the pretty stuff, but in some cases we're creatin' new pretty stuff. In the long run, we're not losin' 25%--no, we're gettin' a new an' improved 25%.

Think 'bout it. It's like them green carnations you can buy on St. Patrick's Day, with the food colorin' in 'em. Right there, that's a new species--I officially dub it "Foodus Coloredius Dianthus Caryophyllus"--an' it's pretty ta boot.