What a Disappointment!

I've got myself a case of insyan . . . , insam . . . , insomalia, er, I can't sleep.

So, anyway, I get up and decide to watch some T.V.--man, y'all can't believe how many channels we get in the White House, an' when ya add in the spy satelite feeds, man, it jus' goes on ferever, like from here to infirmity.

Anyhow, so I turn on the T.V. an' start surfin' thru the guide, when I see they got Drag Racin' on ESPN2, so I figure that's gotta be fun, take me back to my frat days an' all, but I'll be damned if it were'nt what I thought it was. Turns out it's just a bunch a cars with li'l parachutes poppin' out the back.

Bird Brained

Last week Uncle Dick called me "bird brained." At the time, I thunk it wuz a insult, but now I see that its a complement.

Why Art Sucks

Apparently, some flyin' piece of crap at an art show got away an' destroyed things in Switzerland--and I mean that literately. Now, that's why I don't like art--it's jus' too dangerous.

I'm Votin' fer Paris

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die