Ups an' Downs

Well, I'm feelin' pretty good 'bout my State o' the Union speech, but also feelin' kinda low that my last big speech in office is bein' upstaged by that damned gone-off-her-nut Britney.

Then again, she does have a charm, not unlike my own daughters in they hay day. If only Britney had a daddy who wuz Presidint, she could learn to live a respectified an' righteous life.

Burnin' the Midnight Oil

Well, here I am stayin' up into the wee hour o' the night. Jus' tryin' to write down some notes an' . . . hic . . . get ready . . . hic . . . fer my final State o' the Union address.

So far jus' got the two items, but . . . hic . . . that's what we professionals call a foundation or a framework.

1. Plan to say somethin' 'bout the economy.
2. Send the Secret Service guys out on another a beer run.

I Win Again!

Ha, ha, ha, ha . . . Veto Sustained!

Take that you bunch of whiny brats!


Um, an' by brats I mean the Dems, not the children that the bill was s'posed to provide healthcare for, 'cause I care for children. Really, I do. I support children an' love 'em deeply.

But not as much as I love to stick it to those liberal Dems!

Well, Not Accordin' to South Carolina Anyway

Huh, maybe--jus' maybe--God don't really like Mike Huckabee as much as Mike Huckabee sez he does.

Misquoted

I can't believe I been done an' gone been misquoted.

Las' week the papers an' the television media reported how I sed that I would see peace in the Middle East before my presidincy wuz up. After that all the prognistificators an' punditeers went full tilt talkin' 'bout how that's jus' me tryin' to boost my legacy and how it jus aint gonna happen.

Thing of it is, that's not what I sed.


What I sed wuz that I would bring peas to the Middle East, an' I did too--a pound o' frozen Birdseye.

Mission Accomplished!

Bath Party

An Aide tol' me that here in Iraq, their easin' up on the Bath Party.

Well, there's a fresh idea. Why don't we have a Bath Party back in the U.S.?

Now let's see, how could we get a Bath Party started . . . hmm . . . well, I'd invite Scarlett Johansson fer starters, an' maybe that Charlize Theron too.

Dubya's Middle East Journey, a Nine Day Tour

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from the United States
And to Arab nations sail.

The Veep was mighty quick on the draw,
The Presidint brave and sure.
Many pundits would guffaw that day
'Bout the nine day tour, the nine day tour.

The politics were getting rough,
And my legacy seemed dross,
If not for the courage of my one track mind
The policy would be lost, the policy would be lost.

Air Force One set aground on the sands of these Middle Eastern states
With me, Dubya
An' Dick Cheney too,
My bicycle, oh, an' my wife,
With Condi there
The press corp. and Barney too,
Here on Dubya's journey.

Epifanny

I jus' had a sudden realization! Y'know them New Year's Day resolutions, well since they're called New Year's Day resolutions I think they only apply to New Year's Day. That bein' the case, y'all can forget 'bout what I sed in my last post, 'cause with the exception of changin' the constitution fer Ahnold, seein' the Rambo film, not sneakin' beers, an' wrestlin' with Dick fer occupation an' control over the Oval Office, they've all been fulfilled.

But don't you worry none neither, 'cause I'm still gonna see that Rambo film.

Happy New Year!

I hereby resolve in 2008 to:

1. Respect the constitution as much as possible, so long as it agrees with my wants an' needs.

2. Change the constitution so that one day Schwarzenegger can be Presidint.

3. Watch the new Rambo film as soon as it comes out (don't tell Schwarzy, but I do like Sly Stallone flicks).

4. Stop sneakin' beers as often as I would otherwise do.

5. Tell friggin' Dick that it's my last year in office an' to let me have full use of the oval office goddammit.

Sincerely,
Dubya