Dubya's Personal Blog

Welcome to my personal thoughts and contemtat . . . , comptmepta . . . , contemplash . . . , well, you know, things I think about. I try to enter my ideas on a regular basis, but what with running the free world, and being there for my darling wife, I don't have much free time. Only about four or five hours a day. So, enjoy!

Name:
Location: Washington, D.C., United States

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Reports is Premature

Scattered 'bout the White House today I keep findin' newspapers with headlines like, "AMERICA LOSES A PRESIDENT" or "AN UNLIKELY PRESIDENT DIES."

Hey folks, I'm still alive! Jeez, now I know how celebreties feel 'bout tabloid lies.


Update: Okay, turns out those headlines is 'bout Gerald Ford. Wow, he was a great man--he invented the automobile and he was President. Rest in peace, Mr. Ford, rest in peace.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I asked Santa fer a pony, but I didn't get one. Strangely, it looks like Santa thought 'bout it though, 'cause it looks like a pony's been around here--I mean it deposited some "evidence" of bein' here. But still no signs of my gift.

I wonder what Santa left me.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Christmas Eve

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
No Republican was stirring, not even to grouse;

Official pens were hung by the chimney with ink
In hope new Congress bills will be vetoed with a wink.

Democrats were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Iraq haunted Neo-Con heads;

And Laura in her nightgown, and I in my shorts
We'd jus' settled down for a nap of some sorts,

When down in my throat there rose such a cough
I remembered why pretzels I had totally swore off.

Away to the window I stumbled half assed,
Tore open the shutters, hopin' chokin' would pass.

The moon on the lawn all covered in snow
Made me think of my high college days, y'know . . .

When what to my teary eyes should appear,
But a tiny li'l sleigh and eight tiny reindeer,

With a chubby, ol' driver, travelin' quickly by air
I wondered why Homeland Security was not there.

More rapid than F-15 Eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now Dasher, now Dancer, Now Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, On Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall,
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

As dry leaves by strong winds thrown all amiss
Out of doors tumbled men of protective service.

They shouted out calls of restricted air space,
Yet still the sleigh headed for my rooftop apace.

The chubby old driver then landed his sled,
And agents protective sought ladders from the shed.

I rushed down the hallway, but then whirled around,
When from the Lincoln Bedroom there came but a sound.

Quite carefully I turned the antique door knob,
Only to find a stern old elf with a pipe of corncob.

He dressed in red and white from top of head to toe,
So I questioned his patriotism, not wearin' blue also.

He grimmaced, then groaned, and wagged his finger,
And I 'gan to wonder how long he would linger,

When suddenly from behind his copious figure,
He brought forth a gift sack making my heart aquiver.

He pushed aside small boxes, and reached for one quite large,
Which made me think he knew that I was in charge.

With a wink and a smile, he handed over my gift,
Then rose up the chimney without needing a lift.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

Without waiting for Christmas, I tore open my package
Only to find some coal and smelly ol' cabbage.

And I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of seeing,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to Dub impeachment hearings!"

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Keepin' an Eye on the Keeper of Naughty and Nice

Jus' so y'all know, in the interest of homeland security we'll be trackin' the movements of ol' Saint Nick on Christmas Eve.

We jus' want all the li'l kiddies to be able to know where Santa is.

And we wanna be sure he's not carryin' more than 3 ounces of liquids, gels, or baby formula.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Science is Lame

People is always criticizin' my administration's science and my administration's representification of the facts, but my view is that you can't trust science if you can't trust scientists. So here's a story 'bout scientists watchin' ice melt, an' all they can do is yak'bout that mythical global warmin' their always talkin' bout.

Okay, fer all you scientits out there here's a news flash: ICE MELTS

That's what it does.

'Nuff said.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Big News!!!

Whoa, a new study--a medical study--says that alcohol can protect you from brain injury! I gotta show this ta Laura. I got proof. Alcohol is good fer you. Liquor up the egg nog boys, it's gonna be a Happy Holidays fer me!


Update: I showed the report to Laura, an' all she said wuz "All the alcohol in the world won't protect the country from your injury." Then she closed the library door on me. What's her meanin' by that anyway?

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Girls Will be Girls

Well, apparently Miss USA an' Miss Teen USA have been boozin' it up at the clubs. When I see stories like this one, it . . . well, it warms a father's heart, 'cause I'd like like ta think that my own two girls have been an influence an' role model to young women throughout the country.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

When the Honeymoon's Over

Heck, a new poll shows that 57% of Americans trust the new congreshunal Democrats an' only 31% trust me.

Well, I got one words ta say 'bout that: "Enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts." Yessiree, that's what's known as a honeymoon period. Everythin' is all luvy-dovey fer a while, then before ya know it, it's all: "Yer not doin' this right!" "Yer not doin' that right!" "Don't touch me, I've got a headache!" "Why do you spend so much time with that danged dog!" . . . um . . .

. . . but of course, I'm speakin' analgesically

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

DANG!!!

Whoa, how'd we lose another congressional seat?!?

Well, I guess that kinda stuff can happen while bein' preoccupied with filmin' doggy cam videos. Shoot, I wonder what else has been goin' on?


Update: Well, even though we 'publicans is still losin' stuff, at least we ain't the only ones confused 'bout the Middle East. By the way, if you check out the link, even the Brits is confused--they spelt "sunny" wrong. Ha, ha!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

BARNEY CAM

Hey, check out the Barney Cam page and click on the video links to watch Barney get ready fer the Holidays.

Or, if ya gots Windows Media Player and wants, you can go straight from here:

--------> fer Windows Media Player only


Man, I jus' love that dog. If he weren't a dog I'd marry him.

But, um, not in the biblical sense or nuthin', 'cause, y'know, he'd still be a "he."

Monday, December 11, 2006

Kofi Anon

Well, there goes Kofi again, bad mouthin' the good ol' U.S. of A., not to mention yours truly.

The Secretary General says that he wants me to know that "no nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others." But that's not what I'm tryin' to do. I'm tryin' to make us secure by beatin' the crap outta all others.

There's a difference.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Hmmm . . .



Hey, maybe this octopus can help get me out of Ira . . . um . . . nevermind.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Ownin' It!

Okay, I admit that it's bad in Iraq. I said it.

Wow, actually, that kinda feels better.

It's bad in Iraq!

Hey, in fact that feels purty darn good. Wow, it feels good to admit stuff.

Whew, well I'm glad that's over an' done with.


Now leave me alone an' go play in the snow.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Hey, Lookit!!!

Check me out, I made a virtual sculptur. I'm like an artist:



If you wanna be an artist, too, jus' check out the Hirshhorn Museum. I think it's a museum fer like horns an' stuff.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Equality is a Comin'

There ya go America, don't say I never done nuthin' fer ya. In the past five years or so, the pay difference between men and women has gone from a 21.5% gap down to a 18.3% gap. Thanks to my Administration, pay for men and women is approachin' parody.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Two . . . Maybe Three fer!!!

Liberals is always complainin' 'bout how me an' my Administration screwed up Iraq, an' how we have a responsibility ta leave it in better shape than we found it, an how we need ta improvify the lives of the Iraqi people. Well, that's jus' what we're a doin'!

We are givin' the Iraqi peoples a choice, a choice of Iraqs. Whereas before they only had Saddam's Iraq, now they can choose between two, maybe three different Iraqs: the Shiite Iraq, the Sunni Iraq, an' maybe the Kurdish Iraq. Kinda like Coke, Pepsi, an' RC.

Update: Ha, ha, I was jus' kiddin' 'bout the Kurdish Iraq. Jus' havin' a li'l fun with Turkey, there won't be no Kurdish Iraq.

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