Bad News and Good News

First the bad news: the Israeli's killed some U.N. Peacekeepers.

Now the good news: drinking alcohol is good fer people! Man, I gotta show this to Laura.

Abramoff's First Victim, My First Veto

Well, the Jack Abramoff scandal claimed its first victim: Ralph Reed. Sorry Ralph, ya played a role in right wing politics, especially helpin' me woo evangelicals an' all, but yer time has passed. Ya lost sight of the the first rule of the political wranglin' of shady influences and goings on: INSULATION, INSULATION, INSULATION. I mean look at me, I'm very well insulated. Maybe people might even be callin' me the Insulation President after not too long.

An' speakin' of firsts, I'm about to be confronted with my first veto. Whatta y'all think? I wanna keep an open mind here, so I'm askin' y'alls opinions. Should I use my presidential pen to veto the stem cell bill passed by congress, or should I use the pen that Laura give me fer my birthday? It's a tough decision, so help me out, will ya?

The American Way

As far as I'm concerned 'publicans deserve free digs in Texas, 'cause 'publicans are in charge of things in Texas. Plain an' simple.

I mean, I don't get the big deal 'bout Texas House Speaker Craddick gettin' an all paid apartment in the Texas domed Capitol, even if its renovations are paid fer by lobbyists an' such. If people can afford ta influence him, then that's their right. Those that have money deserve to have influence, an' those that don't have money don't deserve to have influence.

After all, isn't that what democracy's all about?

I Meant to Do That

I have given my permission fer Court review of my administration's use of wiretaps. I jus' wanna be clear that this is not a matter of Courts havin' authority over my presidency. This is me allowin' the courts to have power. An' since it's my choice ta allow or not allow it, clearly I am still the most powerful. I am in charge. It's what I mean to do, not what I hafta do.

So there.

New Plan fer 2006 Elections

I have an excitin' new plan fer the 2006 midterm elections. Given the success of the new installment of Pirates of the Caribbean, I'll be proposin' that Republicans run as pirates or use pirate themes in their campaigns. Any 'publican willin' ta take up this bold new idea of mine will get a free visit from either Rummy or Dick sayin' "Arrrrrgh!!!" in their best pirate voice.