Asia, here I Come!!!

I can't believe that even the troops want the troops out of Iraq.

Man, my poll numbers is low, troop polls are against me, an' even flack about the ports deal has got me bummin' out. It's like when I would get my grades back in college--only now I can't engage in any extra-curricular escapism.

Dang, I sure is glad I'm gonna be in Asia fer a while. Hope Dick doesn't shoot anyone while I'm gone.

Dems is Funny

I can't believe everyone thinks this whole Dubai runnin' American ports thing is got Republicans on the political defensive. Don't nobody get it, we is on the political attack. My poll numbers don't matter. I'll be Presidint fer my two full terms.

2006 is 'bout keepin' 'publicans in the house an' senate. The ports issue gives 'publicans a chance ta distance themselves from me, show that they got their own minds, an' puts 'em on the same page as Dems. An' we already know from the last two major 'lections that when 'publicans and Dems look alike, Americans choose 'publicans.

Man, me an' Karl cooked this one up good.

Well, Karl had the main idea, an' I helped flesh it out.

Okay, Karl thought it up and put it together while I was playin' video games, but when he showed it to me I approved it.

Well, at least he tells me I was playin' video games in the other room, but I approved the plan after it happened.

I mean I didn't really hear 'bout the plan til after I learned 'bout the ports deal, which I learned 'bout after it actually happened.

But once I knew what was goin' on, I approved it all retrofractally.

My Day!!!

Happy President's Day to me,
Happy President's Day to me,
Happy President's Day dear Dubya,
Happy President's Day to me.

I'm so glad everyone recognizes me on this special day.
All those times I got the day off in school an' in college,
I had no idea that this day had been set aside fer me. Wow!

Whoa, No Hearts fer Dick

I hafta write this quik so ther might be some typoes. Laura wenta powder her nose, and I'm typin' this ona laptop. I woulda waited, but I jus' gotta tell someone. Dick is really pissed off right now.

Laura and I wuz gettin' ready fer our Valentine's dinner together, an' Dick was throwin' newspapers up an' down the hall an' swearin' up a storm. He kept mutterin' how he was th victim of unfair covrage. Kept yellin' bout how everyone was talkin' bout the lawyer an' the huntin' violation, and how no one was reportin' how he DID in fact bag the quail he was aimin fer. Boy, is he ever p.o.'d

Anyway, Laura an' I, we made ourselves scarce--wanted ta get on with our romantic evening.

Whoops, she's headin' back. I gotta go.

Happy Valentine's Day

I wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day in celebration of the life, loves, and times of that great actor Rudolph Valentino!


Update: Okay, I jus' found out the day wasn't named fer Rudolph Valentino. Who the heck's it named fer then?

Don't Want No Accidents

Reminder to self: Don't mess with Dick. Don't want nuthin' ta "accidentally" happen ta me.

What Gall!?!

I can't believe the kinds of accusations Brownie's been trottin' out in his defense, blamin' the White House an' Homeland Security fer all that mess with Katrina. An' on top of that Scooter's passin' the buck fer the CIA leak onto us higher ups in the White House. What a headache!

Didn't anyone tell these guys, that's not how the blame game is played. Ya gotta blame Dems, not other 'Publicans.

Dang it all! Aint anyone got loyalties anymore?

Doesn't Matter if the Glass is Half Full or Half Empty

Hi folks, I been away fer a while, but now I is back. I been goin' around our great nation promotin' my policies, an' I gotta say, those Dems sure are a funny bunch. Here we've had months of Republican problems and fumbles, and those Dems still can't get it together. The glass is half filled fer 'em, and they still can't fill it the rest o' the way. That's what happens when ya don't have no head.

What do I means? Well, let me tell ya.

When Al was runnin' against me the first time, the Dems had a charisomatic leader in Bill, but Gore didn't want any o' Clinton rubbin offa him, so's he kept his distance from Bill and lost the election. He done emptied his half full cup without me havin' ta do a darn thing.

After the election, the Dems had a potential leader in Al--boy he was dancin' and loosenin' up after his loss--but then the Dems didn't want the stink o' Al's failure rubbin off on 'em, so's they go an' empty their half glass by distancin' themselves from Al an' wind up losin' the next presidential election as well.

That's why us Republicans are so successful. Everyone always stick by me, no matter what I do. Half full or half empty, my head is the Republican head.

Wait a minute, that didn't come out right . . .