Leggo my Gitmo

I can't believe it. The Supreme Court ruled against me on military tribunals at Gitmo. An' after I spent the past couple years stackin' the Court in my favor. It's downright traitorious. Don't those legal beagles know that the Judicial branch is jus' an extension of the Executive branch? Otherwise, what good is it fer me to appoint judges? Huh? Try to subvert that logic.

I'm in charge, an' I say it's not about justice--it's about what just IS.

An Orgas . . . um, Organic Process

Goin' back to my previous thread an' the subject of withdrawal, I jus' wanna acknowledge that I'm a guy like any other guy. I'm not hopped up on testostyrone or viagra or nothin'. Of course, eventually I'll withdraw from Iraq, but America--and liberal Dems in particular--has got to understand that it'll be an organic process. You can't jus' pull out. That would jus' be a bad case of democratus interruptus.

As Rummy and General Casey recently pointed out, after some natural risin' and fallin', an' once we've done our business, then there will be a natural shrinkage of our presence in Iraq. Then, and only then, after shrinkage, will I be pullin' out.

Besides, my good buddy Dick's gotten me where I am today. I've consulted with Dick on this, and Dick agrees. Shrinkage first, then pull out.

Oh yeah, an' the Vice President--he agrees as well.

The Vienna Question!

Well, I'm off to Vienna for a one day U.S. - E.U. Summit. When I get there, I'm gonna have a lot of questions fer 'em 'bout the Palistinians, AIDs & genocide in Africa, the insurgencies in Iraq & Afghanistan, and the nucular goings on in Iran. But the first, and perhaps the most important question I aims to get an answer to while I'm in Vienna is how they get those tiny sausages to fit in that li'l can without ever breakin'.

No Withdrawal, No Pullout

I cannot believe all this talk about withdrawal and pullout from Iraq!

The American public needs to understand that I am firm. I have a vision. I see Iraq's future spread open an' waitin' before me, an' I am a man on mission--nary positions by Dems or IEDs or IUDs or whatever by insurgents will deter me. Sure, as we slide back and forth in our progress, we may feel things getting harder and harder, and we may even feel close to jus' lettin' go. But as President, I will find the proper rhythm to stay the course. I will guide my hard decisions to their fruitful and receptive conclusions. I will not cease until I am satisfied and the seeds of democracy are planted in the lovely and fertile lands of Persia.

Man, I need a cigarette.

al-Zarqawi: The Gallup % Solution!!!

I love America! Aint it jus' grand. I kill one guy an' now people will love me again. Maybe my approvement ratings will even shoot over 60%, like back when we captured Saddam. Heck, imagine if I ever gets Bin Ladin--bet y'all my polls would shoot over a 120%. Whoooeeee!!! Let the good times roll.

I'm movin', I'm groovin'
I'm not afraid of losin'.

My polls, they're higher,
This President's on fire.

No stoppin' what's happenin'
I'm doin' my frat boy rappinin'

I'm movin', I'm groovin',
I don't need no more boozin'.

My country, 'tis of thee,
America, now you so love me,

So give me your liberty
For Halliburton's prosperity.

I'm movin', I'm groovin,
I'm constitutionally snoozin'!


. . . sorry, I jus' had to do li'l dance there. Heh, heh.

Amen to Tiny Men

I gave my speech 'bout havin' a Constitutional Amenment to pertect marriage, an' people started talkin' 'bout the seperation of church an' state an' how I shouldn't let my biblical views influence the Constitution. But if the foundin' fathers didn't want us to be biblical, then why did they call it a Constitutional Amenment? Try to answer that one all you progresso lovin' liberals.

But then, get this. Someone sends me an article by Bob Cesca where he talks 'bout li'l tiny men livin' in sperm. What th' heck is that all 'bout?!?

I don't think there's no tiny li'l men in my testimacles. An' jus' fer the record, thinkin' 'bout it doesn't like excite me or nuthin'. Not that there's anythin' wrong with that if it excites someone else, unless they're male an' plannin' on gettin' married to the li'l tiny men. 'Cause we respecks all peoples; we jus' don't wanna desanctify marriage or nuthin', 'cause the majority of all marriages that don't result in divorce, spousal abuse, or murder-homicides tend to be successful.

Marriage is an institution, an' all people who're married should be treated as if they're institutionalized.

Amen.

The Inclination of Species

Scientists have discovered 8 new species, as well as a previously unknown and ancient echosystem. History will write that while George W. Bush was President the number of new species did not decline, instead it inclined.