New Study

Uncle Dick showed me a new study that sez people have a limit of thinkin' 'bout four things at once, then he sed, "'xcept fer you it's probly one."

I guess he sed that 'cause he knows I'm really really focused.

I Found the Perfect Runnin' Mate fer McCain--Well, Other Than Me, Of Course!

Mistakes Are What Make Me Human

People keep callin' Iraq my biggest mistake, but if that's true then it's not my fault. It's my humanity, dammit. Accordin' to that vaunted science liberals are so fond of, makin' mistakes over an' over is jus' part of bein' human. Part of our brain trailways, or some other such scientifical terminology.

WTF!!!

I got jus' under nine months to try ta build me a legacy here.

Who the H-E-DubLE H0CkeY STiCks does Jimmy Carter think he is?!?

How dare he try to bring peace to the middle east!

He had his chance ta screw it up back in the 70s.

Now it's my turn.

Ha Ha, I WIN!!!

Check this out, in some kinda comparison with the great Harry S. Truman, vaunted Democrat, I win.

I'M THE WINNER!!!

It Don't Make No Kinda Sense

I jus' don't get it. All the time I'm in office, I constantly hear peoples complainin' 'bout the high prices of pharmesuitical drugs, but now that them very same drugs is available fer free and in the convenience of yer local water, those very same people are complainin' how we gotta get the drugs outta the water.

Jeez, folks, make up yer minds, willya.

Dick Cheney Goes "Fishin'"

Dick tol' me he wuz goin' fishin', but when I check'd out the pics from the whitehouse website, it became clear that he wuz pursuin' some other kinda water sports. Looks to me like there's a lady in those shady spectacles.

What do you think?

WEIRD!!!

Well, how 'bout that, scientists say they finded a lungless frog in Indonesia.

Now that jus' don't make no kinda sense. I mean, fer instance, like what's that frog gonna do if he wants ta smoke a cigarette.

I'm a Uniter

There ya have it, America, accordin' to a CBS-New York Times poll, I've brought 81% of the country together into agreeification about what direction the country is headin' in--even if they happen think it's the wrong one.

Truly, where would America be without me? After all, if ya din't know you wuz on the wrong track, how else would ya know to look fer the right one?

No need to thank me, though, jus' doin' my job.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

I am postin' this to my blog first so that my most loyal citizens here first what I have to say as yer great leader.

In the past hour our forces have driven from Iraq the last vestiges of terrorism. The war in Iraq is over, an' it's been so successful that beginnin' tomorrow the oil infrastructure will be in place so that gas prices will drop back to pre-1998 levels. As such, we will be saved from what would have certainly been a devastatin' recession. Additionally, John McCain has offered me the Vice Presidincy an' has promised that when he wins the Oval Office that he will resign in recognition of my superior leadership, thus by-passin' the Constitution an' providin' me with a third term as yer glorious Presidint.

An', oh yeah, April Fools!!!!