Low SAT Scores Are No Big Deal

I don't see why people are makin' such a big deal about the current decline in SAT scores. It shud be oblivious to everyone by now that you don't need smarts to succeed in America. It's all about hard work. I mean look at me, I've had people workin' hard for me all my life. It's easy.

Anniversary

I would like it noted that a year later, on the anniversary of Katrina's destruction on New Orleans, this Presidint has been timely in his response.

One year hence, I arrived at the exact moment Katrina had struck a year ago and scarfed down hot cakes with a recovering business owner. History will note that this Presidint was responsive, fast acting, and a good eater of hot cakes.

God Bless America!

Entourage!

I don't know why everyone keeps showin' me low approvement ratings. Here I am in Maine, an' I've got me my very own entourage. 'Bout six or seven hundred peoples followin' me whereever I go. Kinda heartnin' is what it is. They shout my name and carry colorful signs.


Update: Um, okay, turns out they's protestors.

Unconsitutional?!?

Some liberal judge jus' called my administration's wiretappin' program unconstitutional.

UNCONSTITUTIONAL?!?

Who the hell does she think she is, anyway?

Jus' what gives her the right to determine what is and is not constitutional? That's what I'd like to know.

Jeez, it's like she thinks she's empowered to make decisions about what the Executive Branch of govermint can or cannot do? Like some kinda document or somethin'--some kinda Constitution-like thing--gives her the "authority" to "judge" my actions?

What a pain.

Now That's Jus' Funny

Dang it all, you gotta see this video. I've been playin' and re-playin' the dang thing fer the past four hours, and each time it jus' keeps gettin' funnier and funnier. Shoot, I hope nuthin' else has been happenin' in the world in the meantime . . .

New Poll

How 'bout that. The Brits go and foil a major terrorism plot, and in turn I get a boost in my pollin' numbers. Man, I jus' love this country.

A Message to Hezbollah, and to Terrorists

Sung to the tune of the Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” (Works best if you imagine me an' Nasrallah exchangin' lines in the chorus):

Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna
really really really wanna sniff, sniff . . . ahh.

If you want a future you hafta leave yer past,
If you wanna get with me you better do it fast,
Now stop your launching rockets please,
Play nice with Israel and the war will ease.

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna
really really really wanna sniff, sniff . . . ahh.

If you wanna be my ally, you gotta get with my friends,
Kiss kiss with Israel and friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my ally, you have got to give;
Katushyas are too easy, but that's the way it is.

That’s my ultimatum! Now you know how I feel
Jus’ say you’ll eat yer words and I’ll know yer real.
I won’t be so nasty, I’ll give you half a chance.
If you really bug me, then I’ll invade Iran.

Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna
really really really wanna sniff, sniff . . . ahh.

If you wanna be my ally, you gotta submit to me,
Kiss my Texan ass and friendship will forever be,
If you wanna be my ally, you must call me Boss;
Resistance is not easy, so all yer weapons toss.

So here's a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me
you gotta listen carefully,
We got Condi in the place who’ll get in yer face,
We got Dick like Reagan who likes to stick it in yer _______.
Rummy doesn't give up easy, he's a real mule,
and as for me, I’ll mess with you . . .
Throw yer weapons down and fall down on the ground.
Throw yer weapons down and fall down on the ground.

If you wanna be my ally, you gotta get with my friends,
Kiss up to Israel and friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my ally, you have got to stop,
Fighting seems too easy, but I’ll give you a BOP!.

If you wanna be my ally, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,
you gotta, you gotta, throw, throw, throw, throw
Throw your weapons down and fall down on the ground.
Throw your weapons down and fall down on the ground.

Throw your weapons down and fall down on the ground.
Throw your weapons down sniff, sniff . . . ahh

If you wanna be my ally.



Update: Um, jus' fer the, uh, record, um, I don't really listen to the Spice Girls, I don't have any Spice Girls t-shirts, and I don't have a Spice Girls CD collection. And, um, no shrine either. Also I don't go into chatrooms under the name Spice-Lover. And Laura has never dressed up fer me as Sporty Spice, and I've never ever asked her to either. Really.

Abramoff's Second Victim

I guess there's not much to say, except, well, maybe, "There goes the Neyborhood."

Everythin' is Under Control

I've heard there's been reports of a massive manatee in the Hudson river. I want everyone to remain calm. I am convenin' a briefin' with the Joint Chiefs an' I wanna assure the American public that this President is on top of things. I will keep America safe. Sea monsters will not be allowed to assault or further penetrate our borders--oceanic or otherwise.



Update: Okay, as it turns out a manatee is jus' a large but docile aquatic mammal that eats marine and freshwater plants. Didn't know that. In a way, they're actually sorta cute:


Dang, hope this doesn't turn out like the whole rabbit fiaso did fer Carter.

Me an' FOX make Two

As the sayin' goes, "There's a sucker born every minute . . . and two to take 'em."

Well, here's the link to prove it: Half of America still believes Iraq had WMDs.

Man, I don't know whether to laugh or cry for joy.

Check This Out!

I was readin' this blog that absolutely loves me, an' represents my vision fer America. It's got good ideas, like ways to properly display the Constitution. It's got music videos of me. An' it loves me so much that it's countin' every cherished second of my remainin' time in office. So check it out: 7 Years to Go . . .


Update: I showed Hobbs' "7 Years to Go . . ." to Uncle Dick an' he says that blog's jus' criticizin' me an' I shouldn't have nuthin' to do with it. But I left a comment fer Hobbs on his latest post an' he asked me if I wanted to have some fun or play or somethin', so I think Dick is jus' wrong.

More Bad News & Good News

First the bad news: Six U.S. Marines have been charged with carrying out assaults on Iraqi civilians. Can't say as I'm too happy with that.

Now the good news: Two U.S. generals say that civil war may be immanent in Iraq. Now that would be more like it. It's about time things started gettin' more civil over there.

Castro's End?!?

Peoples keep askin' me 'bout Castro's end, so I wanna make it clear once and fer all: I don't give a darn 'bout Castro's damn behind. I have enought to worry 'bout without havin' to think about Fidel's rear end. 'Nuff said. The media should be askin' 'bout serious stuffs.