A Real Dilemma

Someone jus' e-mailed me a video that looks like some announcement I taped in relation ta global warmin', but I'll be darned if I can remember ever doin' such a thing. Oh no, maybe I been infected with mad cow. I don't recall eatin' any steak from that Alabama farm that had an infected cow, but maybe that's jus' another symptom. How do I know whether I'm not rememberin' stuff if I'm really not rememberin' it? Now heck, if that ain't what they call a pair o' ducks.

Mad Cow

I jus' glanced at some article on Forbes that says maybe human ta human transfers of mad cow disease is possible. What the heck is they talkin' about? Where the heck in America is people eatin' people? I know Dick shot somebody, but he didn't have nobody dressed fer steaks or nuthin'--at least as far as I knows . . .

Documents Shmocuments

The press is jus' fallin' in with Saddam and all those who promote Saddamism. Here the press comes reportin' how documents from high level Iraqi meetings before the war show that the Iraqi's and Saddam had completely abandoned the idea of WMDs. Dontcha get it? This is all part of Saddam's secret plan ta discredit me.

All those years, he knew we wuz gonna invade, an' he knew that we would find these documents, an' he knew that I would allow the war ta drag on, an' he knew my popularity ratin's would be low, so it should be obvious to everyone that he staged these secret meetings jus' ta embarass me about the absence of WMDs. But little did he know that I'd still have the upper hand. I can't be embarassed, 'cause I have no sense of shame! I am absolutely shameless. Hah! So there!

Oh Nooooo!!!

Well folks, the month jus' keeps gettin' worse an' worse. First my approvement ratin's is in the toilet, then I get snubbed by Jessica Simpson, and now Bradley beats Pitt to move onta the Sweet Sixteen.

Well, there goes my brackets!

Dang, I can't believe it--Condi's probly gonna win the damn pool again!

Simpson Snub

I can't believe Jessica Simpson blew me off. Here I is the leader of the free world, and a pop singer turns down not only an invite, but face time with me--ME, the Presidint of the freedoms lovin' peoples of America. Jus' fer that, I'm movin' her offa my playlist on my mp3 player--fer a whole week, no make that two weeks.

Nooooooooo!!!!!!!

My approval ratin' is at an all time low, an' the American public sez it prefers Dems over 'Publicans in Congress by a 47 ta 36 margin.

My polls are meltin'. What a world, what a world . . .

Academy Awards

I think Dick should win an Oscar fer his performance splainin' how he shot someone, but I guess that would be wrong. These awards are fer 2005, an' that happened early in 2006. But then it's jus' not fair, 'cause by the time the next Oscars roll aroun' no one'll remember what he done did.


Update: Wow, Crash won fer Best Pic., an' that came out pretty early in 2005. I should tell Dick--maybe it goes ta show that peoples mightn't ferget that he shot someone.

Betrayal an' Misleadin' Video

It's an outright betrayal. Here I am out o' the country and representin' fer the good ol' U.S. of A., and what do people do, they go and show a video tape of me at a briefin' before Katrina hit bein' informed of the likelihood and the dangers of levee breaks in New Orleans.

Well, it's misleadin' an' misrepresentin' is what it is. I stand by the original statement I made four days after Katrina, where I said that "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees."

If you pay very, very close attention to the video, you can clearly see that I'm not listenin' to a damn thing anybody's sayin'. Ask anyone, I never pay attention at briefin's. So how could I possibly have anticipated or known about anything that I wasn't listenin' to in the first place? That's what people should be askin' 'bout.