Happy Halloween!!!

Okay, yesterday I wished everyone a Happy Halloween Eve, but Laura sez ta me, "Hey, R-Tard (that's her li'l affectionate name fer me), Halloween stands for All Hallows' Eve, so you can't wish somebody a happy eve of an eve." Okay, my bad, but now I'm here ta wish y'all a Happy Hallows' Eve on the actual eve of the Hallows! So there now it's fixed, jus' like Iraq.

By the way, on a side note, I jus' wanted to announce that we've invaded Iran . . . BOO!!!


Ha, ha, did I scare ya? Jus' my li'l Halloween "trick," but now fer the treat.

I hope ya enjoy the vid. Funny thing though, it's not how I rememberify the Peanuts "Great Pumpkin" special as bein', but I guess my mammary ain't what it useta be.

Happy Halloween Eve!!!

Happy Halloween Eve everyone! Jus' don't ask me what ol' Barney's doin' with this here pumpkin.

Heckuva Job Harvey, er, Phil, um, Whoever!

Heck, I really don't understan' what all the fuss is 'bout with Harvey Johnson's fake news conference. People mus' not realize that the "F" in FEMA stands fer fake.



Well, no harm, no foul. That's what I always sez. That an': If you don't know it's propaganda, well, then it's not propaganda. 'Nuff sed.

Life's a Beach

Don't see as why Senators John "I'm-Nevah-Gonna-Be-President" McCain an' Lindsey "I-Got-A-Girl's-Name" Graham care so much 'bout AG nominee Michael B. Mukasey's views on waterboardin'. Don't see how beach sports got anythin' to do with the job of Attorney General.

Zombies!?!

Pay close attenshun everyone'. This video has vital, important, and significant infermashun. I'm even thinkin' a' askin' Mikey Chertoff to look into postin' the video on the Homeland Security website.



Heck, if it turns out it weren't started by a terrorista, I bet it coulda been a zombie that started that fire down in California.

Silly Cat

See, right there, that's why I'm a dog person. Yessiree, when I wakes up in the mornin', I'd much rather prefer wakin' up doggy style.

Er, that didn't come out right.

Bad Day

Man, today is jus' a awful news day.

Not only is California ablaze like the candles on Strom Thurmond's last birthday cake, an' angry Turkish troops is amassin' on the border a' Iraq, but Vincent DeDomenico, the co-inventer a' Rice-A-Roni, died.

Huh, Well Did Not Know That

Okay, I can admit when I's wrong. I useta thunk that educaters wuz all liberals an' goody-too shoes soshial justice types, but turns out that I'm wrong. Accordin' to an AP report, American shools are jus' runnin' rampid with sexual misconduct.

Apparently bein' an educater is really like bein' a Republican Senator.

Dolly Llama He Ain't

Guess what? I learned two things today.

#1. It's Dalai, not Dolly.

#2. It's Lama, not Llama.

#3. Dalai Lama is his title, an' not his name.

Unfortunate Cookie

Well, that's the last time I ask the Secret Service guys ta get me some late night Chinese take out. What the fuck kinda fortune cookie is that?!?

OMG--It's Like That Nostradamnedus

Someone jus' sent me this link foretllin' the end o' the world. Scary stuff. Check it out:

http://www.endofworld.net/
:-(

Gives a Whole New Meanin' ta "Gang Bang"

Check it out y'all, this is partly th' explanation o' why crime is down an unspecified percentage under my administration:



Special Note: After watchin' this video footage, Sen. Larry Craig volunteered ta go under cover with the Washington D.C. Gang Related Crimes Unit.

But I Luvs the Children . . .

Don't know why the media peoples is sayin' I don't like children. As can be clearly evidencified by my luv of Tom an' Jerry, an' this episode in particle, clearley I luvs children. An' I'm family friendly, too.

>>DANG: THEY DONE REMOVE MY VIDEO. THE NOIVE!<<

But as demonstrafied by the cartoon, if ya try to give a li'l somethin', children'll jus' take it all. All I did wi' my veto wuz slam the door shut like Jerry did in the cartoon. 'Fact, when you think of it that way, it's actually kinda funny.

WTF?!?

Why's this guy so mad at me an Rush. Seems like he should be mad at the tourists in Iraq. I mean that's why we're there. To fight the tourists in Iraq so that we don't hafta fight 'em over here. Why the heck did y'all think we invaded Iraq in the first place?




Update: Damn spell check. Not tourists. I meant terrarists. See it's still tellin' me I'm spellin' it wrong. Damn buggy softwear.