Last Minute Thought

I'm mullin' over whether or not I should say that America is addicted ta oil. I mean, the press is already reportin' on it. But also if someone asks how I would know anythin' 'bout addiction do I hafta answer the question, an' if so what should I say?. Tough call, tough call. I guess I'll jus' figure it out while I'm up there.

I'm Ready!!!

Well, I think I'm ready fer my State o' the Union address. Only thing is I'm feelin' kinda gassy. Hope it doesn't show.

I guess I'm a little nervous too. Jus' gotta imagine people in their underwear. That's all. Imagine underwear. Don't say underwear, jus' imagine it.

Jeez, Rummy can be a Strange Ol' Coot!

Dang it! Rummy an' I were talkin' 'bout how easy it is ta spy on other people's business when I joked with him that I was gonna Google him later tonight, an' y'know what he did? He hauled off an' popped me one in the eye. Said he didn't go fer none a' that business, and then marched off in a huff. Dick jus' 'bout fell outta his chair laughin'. But I don't get it. What was Rummy goin' on 'bout, an' what was so funny 'bout it anyways?

Man, I hope my eye don't swell up or nuthin'. I gotta do my State o' the Union in a coupla weeks. Don't wanna hafta come up with no more o' those damned cockamamie pretzel stories no more.


Update: Whoa, my State o' the Union is on TUESDAY! As in this Tuesday. I need some paper and pencils, fast!

Respect my Authority

When I was elected Presidint, as required by Article II of the Constitution I took an oath that I would "to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the . . . United States."

There! Right there! That's my authority ta spy an' wiretap without a judicial warrant!

And that's an exact quote of the relevant parts of my oath.

Don't pay no attention to the ellipses, 'cause that parts not so important.

Really, it's jus' some words an' trivial stuff.

Good Americans

Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout! Here is some good Americans --American Alums from U.C.L.A. who're gettin' with the program. Not only do these Americans understan' why I needs ta spy on Americans, but they're willin' ta pay Americans ta spy on other Americans. It brings tears ta my eyes--my vision for America are comin' true here an' now. I thinks we should organize these brave young men and women who is spyin' on their own teachers an' call 'em the George W. Youth. Maybe we can even fancify it an' call 'em the Jungsturm George W. We can even have a flag. Maybe it can be nice an' contrasty with red an' white--an' with somethin' powerful in th' middle. Kinda like this one I done drawed up. Then I could write a book all 'bout my struggles, an' I can call it The Struggles of George W. Bush. But really it would be 'bout all the people of this great nation the struggles that we all own together ('cept for those ones of us we's spyin' on and don't really consider part of us), so's maybe I could title it more simply an' jus' call it My Struggle. Yeah, it'll be great. I can't wait ta see where it all leads.

When You Accuse You Make an A . . . , waitaminit, how's that go again?

I'm bein' accused by six former heads of the EPA of neglectin' global warmin' and other environmental problems. Well, I ain't neglectin' nuthin'. I jus' don't cares about that stuff is all. Get yer facts straight ya bunch of liberal Dems.

Update: Jeez, it turns out five of the six are Republicans. Well, what's the meanin' of that?

Big Speech

Boy, I gotta get ready fer my state o' the union speech. I think that's like in Febuary or somethin'. So many important topics to consider--I gotta narrow 'em down. Not sure which ones ta keep an' which ones ta drop.

1. Supreme Court - After all, I is certainly shapin' the legal future of the country.
2. Avian Flu - Damn environmentalists! So what if nature has the sniffles.
3. Global Warmin' - See bullit point fer Avian Flu.
4. Pakistan - People don't really care that we dropped a missle in Pakistan, do they?
5. Brett Favre - Will he retire or won't he? An' why isn't his name pronounced favor?
6. Economy - Doin' well. The question is how many times ta mention it.
7. Health Care - Not enough people have it. Question is how few times ta mention it, if at all.
8. Katrina - Now who is she again? Is she that one datin' Bradd Pitt?
9. The Big Texas Issue - Can they get on w/out Vince Young? Oh yeah, an' Tom DeLay.
10. 2006 - Might wanna remind peoples ta change how they date their checks.
11. Economy - Hey, it's doin well. Talk about it A LOT!
12. Terrorism - How I is keepin' America safe from threats.
    
13. Iran - Growin' nucular threat.
14. N. Korea - Growin' nucular threat.
1. hmm . . . maybe I don't really wanna talk 'bout Iran or N. Korea.
   
15. Patriot Act - Only a communist or a terrorist would complain 'bout givin' up civil rights.
16. Approvement Ratings - Hey, can't a Prez get some love?

Well, that 'bout covers it. Am I fergettin somethin'?

God's Hand?

Accordin' ta Pat Robertson, God had Yitzhak Rabin assasinated and gave Ariel Sharon a stroke because our Lord disagreed with their political choices. Is it jus' me, or has Pat gone kinda loopy?

I didn't mind at all two years ago when he said that God tol' him that I'd be re-elected. I mean, hey, good ta know it--the Lord's in my corner. But this whole God strikin' down Israli Prime Ministers hoodoo--well, that's jus' plain nuts.


. . . . Note to Self: Do NOT invite Pat to the White House.

Tom DeLay

I can't believe a TEXAS judge refused to at least help to rush DeLay's trial. If there's delay in DeLay's trial, then the trial will overlay with upcomin' elections. DeLay deserves to have no delay in bein' tried, so everyone should try to rush DeLay's trial and speed up delays that would cause problems fer DeLay due ta election overlay. DeLay is jus' bad--I mean delay. Shoot, now I'm jus' confused.

11,000

Someone jus' told me the Dow Jones closed above 11,000. Wow, over 11,000!!! That's better than Google. Sure wish I owned me some shares o' that.


Update: Okay, the Dow Jones is an index and not a company. Did anybody else know that? Man, that's a bit a knowledge sure woulda helped when I was gettin' my MBA.

But Texas Won . . .

I jus' heard that the Dems might be lookin' ta slow down the process for confirmin' Alito to the Supreme Court. What's wrong with them? Didn't they see Texas win the Rose Bowl? Don't they know that's a sign of my presidincy's divine promenade.

Go Texas!!!

I been accused a breakin' the law, but I don't care 'cause after one half of play Texas leads USC by a score of 16 - 10. And boy, that was a heck of an entertainin' halftime to boot.


Update: Yeehaw!!! Texas wins 41 - 38. It's a sign from heaven I'm sure. I got divine permission ta break all the laws I want.

Abramoff Cops a Plea

Dammit, I can't believe that friggin' lobbyist Abramoff copped a plea. He shoulda stuck to his guns until they dragged him off kickin' and screamin' 'bout Democrats playin' partisan politics. An' he has the nerve to call himself a Republican.

And I really don't need this kinda press--not when I'm pushin' for the renewification of the Patriot Act, no siree. Too busy. Can't afford this nonsense. Plus, I gotta go pick up chips, dogs, an' beer fer tomorrow's big Texas game.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Well, with my nominee, Samuel Alito Jr., 'bout to be questionafied by the Senate next week, I'm gonna be quite busy in the comin' days. Heck, not to mention all the things goin' on with car bombin's in Iraq, as well as defendin' myself from media criticism 'bout spyin' an' wiretaps an' all. So much goin' on, I've even had trouble keepin' up with my blog.

Anyway, I jus' want the country ta understan' how serious I'm takin' all this business. I'm gonna be so busy with all this stuff that durin' the Rose Bowl game between Texas an' USC, I'm not gonna be watchin' the halftime show. Jus' too much goin' on. It'll jus' hafta be one o' those sacrafices I make as Presidint.

Game only. No halftime. It'll be tough, but I have the resolve.